In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown dispels the myths of everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she discusses how to embrace vulnerability in order to live a courageous life. She explained that traits typically regarded as flaws and weaknesses are actually clear paths to engagement and meaningful connections.
Here’s how she captures the importance of vulnerability:
You don’t always have the answers, vulnerability is about asking for help and working things out together. It is acknowledging that we are never meant to do things alone.
“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”
Shame is a reason why most people aren’t willing to be vulnerable. The key here is that we have to look through our shame and see ourselves for who we really are. We have to love every part of ourselves: our strengths and weaknesses, even our flaws. We should be able to love ourselves first no matter what, afterall, love is unconditional.
Rather than numbing the feeling of shame, it’s important to feel them and then self-reflect on where they are coming from so we can address the core issue rather than turning to a band-aid fix.
“If we’re going to find our way out of shame and back to each other, vulnerability is the path and courage is the light. To set down those lists of what we’re supposed to be is brave. To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.”
Without feedback there can be no transformative change. We need to have the courage to get uncomfortable with criticism. Though Brene, with great caution, reminds us to be careful who we take feedback from – not to accept criticisms and feedback from people who are not being brave with their lives.
“Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing that it’s a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands.”
At some point, we all experience losing someone. To give someone your heart and say – I know this could hurt so bad but I’m willing to take the risk- is being vulnerable. Be someone who dares to love because some rather not know love at all than to know hurt or grief.
It feels scary, right? It’s crazy how much energy we spend trying to avoid these tough topics when they’re really the ones that can set us free. But, knowing is never a guarantee that you are going to do better. That is the reason why we have to take action if we are to dare greatly.
“I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.”
While you seek out situations to challenge ourselves, you don’t have to do things that scare you just for the sake of trying something new. Be kind to yourself and check in with how you are really feeling if you are to go out of your comfort zone.
And if you’re in the mood for a little motivation. We’ve got some articles you might like!
Facing a challenge is even more difficult when you have to face it on your own. Whenever you’re trying to quit a bad habit, launching a business, or trying to commit to a sustainable lifestyle – surround yourself with people who lift you up.
Having someone in your online community as your accountability partner or trusting one close confidante with your massive plans makes a huge difference in staying on track. Last but not least, do not forget to be your own personal cheerleader. You don’t have to be loud about it to the world. Keeping a running list of small and big wins to remind yourself how far you’ve come is an achievement itself.
Be prepared to fall, and rise back up again.
If you are going to be brave with your life, you have to anticipate failure, heartbreak, rejections even. It’s a conscious choice you have to make everyday to choose courage over comfort if you want to move forward.
It’s about making a few mistakes, getting hurt, getting lost along the way, yet embracing vulnerability while owning your own story. Whether it is getting fired or firing someone, saying I love you first, saying yes to a big contract you’re afraid to accept but will advance your career, or trying to get pregnant after a miscarriage. Each of us will definitely face roadblocks in life. It is after stumbling but still having the courage to stand up and be seen counts – not the defeat itself.
Reach out, Be Heard, Be Felt.