By: Patty De Belen
“This life will challenge you, and break you just so it can reveal you.”
Dear Justin,
3 Years ago, you made our dreams come true.
Dad and I always knew we wanted a baby, but we were always a bit wary because of my medical condition. At that point we were taking things slow; we had so much fun spending our weekends surfing at our favorite beaches. I started going through the motions and had a feeling we might become a family a bit sooner. So a few weeks in, we finally took at-home pregnancy tests and had 3 turn out positive!
That same morning, I paid my OB-GYN a visit and found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. We were so thrilled! The moment the radiologist told us you already had a heartbeat, I realized that you no longer were a dream, you became a miracle.
On the 5th month ultrasound, Dad and I found out we were going to have a baby boy. It really came as a surprise since Nanay gave birth to five daughters, so your mom grew up in a female-dominated household. The fact we were having a boy got everyone so excited!
Unfortunately, both your grandfathers already passed away even before mom and dad knew each other. They were both really good men, and while it pains us to know you won’t get to grow up around them, we take comfort knowing you have dad as your role model.
This life will challenge you, and break you just so it can reveal you. And while I will always support you in your endeavors, I also want you to discover life lessons on your own.
All I can hope is to be a light that guides you. And as I strive to be that, I hope one day this letter helps you be a man you’ll be proud of.
Agree to disagree.
As you grow older, you’ll realize you won’t always be on the same page with other people – not even people you love.
But I hope you remember that compassion and empathy are universal—across borders, religious affiliations, to socio-economic status. You may not agree with everyone’s opinions (and you don’t have you), but you can always respect them. No matter how different their insights may be from yours, remember that there’s always experienced truth in them. Truth we cannot discount or judge because each person has a different life journey from yours. And in moments like those, you can agree to disagree.
As your dad always says, respect begets respect—it is earned and not given.
Acceptance is easy to comprehend but more complex to fulfill, but it becomes effortless to understand people when you choose to be compassionate to their actions.
I hope this nugget of wisdom helps you see the best in people.
Have patience – loads of it.
Just like acceptance, patience is a concept that’s easy to understand but challenging to learn.
But learning to be patient goes a long way for yourself and for the people around you. When you’re patient with yourself, it’ll be more manageable to grow into a functional human being. You will make mistakes and a lot of them. And yes, you will get frustrated. But patience will remind you not to be too hard on yourself. Instead, take your mistakes with a grain of salt and choose to see the wisdom in them.
Patience breeds kindness, to yourself and others. As you experience differences with people you come across, you’ll need this to carry on. Remember to listen when people share their sentiments, whether you think it’s right or not. Instead of arguing over who’s right or wrong, I hope you find the patience to seek resolutions.
Exude honesty.
As the old saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Being honest in everything you do will help you establish trust within yourself and among other people. That’s why honesty is part of the ten commandments after all. When you’re honest, you build trust, and trust is very essential in establishing relationships with others.
It would be one of my greatest accomplishments as a parent if honesty came naturally to you. Because it is difficult, and it will test you. But I hope you would choose to do the right thing than cheat your way out of a situation.
If your decisions are based on being honest rather than finding solutions that would hurt other people in the process, I would be one of the happiest parents in the world.
“Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.” – Henry David Thoreau
Be happy.
Of course, it comes with the territory as a parent that you want your child to be successful. It’s natural for parents to be proud of their children’s accomplishments, even more if it’s something other people can witness.
But I wish you success in living a life you will be proud of. I wish for you to find happiness with whatever you want to do.
This world can be as cruel and it is beautiful. Our society may try to influence you to acquire toxic behaviors. But even as you discover these all around you, I hope you find the courage to define what happiness means to you.
I had his really enlightening conversation with my landlady back in NYC (she’s so excited to meet you in real life!).
She’s raised three very good men who are very successful in their own right. And when I asked her for the secret, she told me that she never pressured her sons to be financially successful. Instead, she prayed for them to love what they do. Because loving what you do, will lead you to live a happy life.
I have kept that advice up to this day and it makes my heart happy knowing this is something I can pass on for you to embody.
One day, we will look back at these trying times when parenting had become so difficult under this pandemic., and smile at the beautiful days we have come to know. The past few months gave me time to reflect on how I could be the best parent to you and I hope by the time you read this, I’ve done you well.
By the time you come across this, I hope I’ve successfully passed on these values to you. I may not be a perfect parent, as none of us are, but do know I strive to do my best. I will always love you unconditionally and be your ultimate supporter.
Love,
Mommy
Few months after, he’s the one who needs to keep up with her. She likes to share
about how her training has been helping her garner strength inside and out.
