To The Girl I Was in Charles de Gaulle

By: Zara Carbonell

Dear Zia,

If you’re reading this, you’re probably on a flight to Paris for the very first time. It’s new year’s eve and your heart is racing. You’ve never been this far from home – let alone, travel by yourself. Your mind is rummaging with too many thoughts and between you and I, it has been, for months on end and we both know why. 

You’re about to make the biggest and craziest decision in all your 22 years. You are in love with him, no one can deny that – not even you. But you also know that it isn’t good for you, maybe not yet, or maybe not ever. 

But how do you begin to say goodbye to a love that’s been good to you? How do you break it off when there’s nothing explicitly wrong? You’re probably thinking “But he’s the love of my life, shouldn’t I fight for it?” Honey, no. YOU are the love of your life – and you owe it to yourself to fight for you.

Look out the window, that vast darkness is the rest of the world. The world you are eager to get to know, and you can.. And someday you will. But for now, buckle up because you’re about to meet parts of you, you’ve never thought even existed. 

This isn’t it for you, there’s a lot more – in fact, you’re just getting started. 

When you get to Charles de Gaulle i want you to take it all in. The fear, the joy, the smell of new beginnings. I want you to remember how the January breeze feels brushing against your skin. I want you to remember how the tip of your nose feels when you’ve been walking around the La Marais the whole afternoon. I want you to encapsulate the freedom you’ll feel at the pit of your stomach and remember it as best you can. 

The next 2 weeks are going to change your life, best believe it. The next 2 weeks are going to spin your world. For the worst first, before it does get better. There are so many things I wish I could tell but you’re going to have to figure it out on your own. 

But what I can tell you is that you’re going to have to get your heart broken a few more times. You’re going to make a lot of bad decisions, and maybe wake up with them, too. You’re going to have a lot of blurry nights you’re glad you don’t remember, and others you are going to want to forget. You’re a little bit lost, and that’s okay. You’re going to have to lose yourself a few more times, like shedding old skin to make room for the new one. 

I can’t tell you when and where and how and who but believe me, just when you think it can’t get any worse, remember that rockbottom is a good place. That means it’ll all uphill from there. That means it’s about to get better, like that time you rode the space shuttle and you’re being pulled back against gravity. Rock bottom is when you hear the cable click and you just know, it’s time to sling you forward. So when the going gets tough, promise me you’ll remember that. 

Because after everything is said and done, you’ll look at all this with a sigh of relief. One day the whole world will look at this very moment and applaud you for making the hard decisions you’re going to have to make. 

In the next months, you may feel as if you’re at the precipice of breaking, but on days you feel like losing hope – have a little more faith because a few years down the road, it would have been worth it. One day, you’ll meet a man who will love everything about you. He’s going to love that you sing to yourself in the shower. He’s going to love that you’ve been to half of the world. He’s going to love that you have a neverending supply of faith in good people, and he’s going to dream all of your greatest dreams with you. Have faith. Be patient. You get to be everything you dream of.

There is so much to tell in so little time, you’re plane is nearing it’s final descent so remember everything I’ve said. 

Take your time, stroll along every corner you find, enjoy every sip of coffee and savour every bite of your croissant, the best is yet to come.

One day you get to say your craziest and wildest dreams came true. I know because I’m writing you from here. 

One day, you’re going to write a book about these next few years and you will launch it like no other. You’re going to take all the best pieces of the world in one room and remember that old office pops used to have? Yep, they are going to build one in BGC soon and they are going to celebrate your victory with them.  You’ll meet a brilliant chef and he will whip up dishes for every chapter of your story. You’re going to stand up on stage and look back at the next few years in awe because of the woman you get to be. You’re going to grow up to be brave and outspoken, and you will have the time of your life sharing your truth. You will have inspired people along the way and you’ll be glad you did what you are about to do. 

It’s not going to be easy. You are going to lose so many people, but you will also gain much more.

Come meet me in Versailles next summer, and I’ll tell you more about it.

Love, 

Zara Carbonell

Author of Lost You, Found Me.